Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Continuing Bonds With Loved Ones

For those who have lost a loved one, it is normal and can be important in the process of healing to continue a nonphysical relationship and some sort of communication with the person who died.  Letter writing, putting up photos at home, returning to a special place that was important to the deceased and celebrating anniversaries, holidays and birthdays are a few examples. Communication with the deceased can be especially important if the relationship was painful, tumultuous or distant. It is possible to heal relational wounds after death. It is never too late to experience and express emotions toward the person who passed away.

References:
1. Shallcross, Lynne. “A Loss Like No Other.” Counseling Today Jun. 2012: 26-31.
2. http://uncommonground4500.blogspot.com/2010/04/continuing-bonds.html

Friday, May 11, 2012

Television's Impact on Mental Health

Excessive or compulsive TV watching "is believed to exist as a type of behavioral addiction similar to pathological gambling. In 1990, a symposium at the convention of the American Psychological Association developed the definition of TV addiction as 'heavy television watching that is subjectively experienced as being to some extent involuntary, displacing more productive activities, and difficult to stop or curtail'" (Kaufman).

The Bureau of Labor Statistics American Time Use Survey reported that in 2010 the average American age 15 and over spent over half their leisure time watching TV.


In the article 'Television Addiction Is No Mere Metaphor,' (Scientific American, February 2002) Kubey and Csikszentmihalyi describe their experiment and results. "To track behavior and emotion in the normal course of life we have used the Experience Sampling Method (ESM). Participants carried a beeper, and we signaled them six to eight times a day, at random, over the period of a week; whenever they heard the beep, they wrote down what they were doing and how they were feeling using a standardized scorecard.” Results showed that “the sense of relaxation ends when the set is turned off, but the feelings of passivity and lowered alertness continue. Survey participants commonly reflect that television has somehow absorbed or sucked out their energy, leaving them depleted. They say they have more difficulty concentrating after viewing than before. In contrast, they rarely indicate such difficulty after reading. After playing sports or engaging in hobbies, people report improvements in mood. After watching TV, people's moods are about the same or worse than before."

"In a paper entitled 'Television Dependence, Diagnosis, and Prevention,' Professor Kubey describes a cyclical effect of watching television. Heavy TV watchers tend to be people who feel anxious or lonely and watching TV provides a break from negative thoughts or ruminations. Providing a pseudo-social media experience, the television creates a virtual connection between the watcher and other people, however this does nothing to help the real feelings of loneliness or boredom" (Kaufman).

Kubey explains that “the possibility of a vicious circle wherein the experience of negative moods and thoughts when alone and when unstructured may interact with the ease with which people can quickly escape these feelings by viewing. As a result of many hours spent viewing television over many years, some people may become unpracticed in spending time alone, entertaining themselves, or even in directing their own attention."

If you are concerned about your TV watching habits, I suggest keeping a log of how often you watch and observe how it impacts your state of mind. Do you turn the TV on automatically or plan what program to watch? Is it enjoyable? Does it improve your mood? Would you feel better if you chose a different activity? Take some time to consider how you spend your leisure time, and if your choices promote mental wellness.

Bibliography

Kaufman, R. (2005). Television Identification and Self-Help Guide. Retrieved from http://www.turnoffyourtv.com/healtheducation/addiction/addiction.html

Kubey, Robert and Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. “Television Addiction Is No Mere Metaphor.” Scientific American. February 2002.

Kubey, Robert. "Television Dependence, Diagnosis, and Prevention." Associate Professor, Department of Journalism & Media Studies. Rutgers University, New Brunswick, New Jersey. 1996.

Other Links
http://escapeyourtelevision.blogspot.com/
http://addiction-facts.com/tv_addiction/tv_addiction.html

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Dispelling Myths Regarding Grief

I am currently reading When Children Grieve. In this book, James and Friedman list six myths in our culture surrounding the subject of death: Don’t Feel Bad!; Replace the Loss; Grieve Alone; Be Strong; Keep Busy; Time Heals All Wounds. I believe these myths are also applicable when adults grieve.

Parents tend to instinctually, out of compassion, seek ways to relieve their children’s pain and shelter them from feelings of grief. However, grief responses are unique and unlike a skinned knee or broken toy. Grief cannot be fixed. Death is a natural part of human life, and, like adults, children naturally heal. Like adults, children experience heartache because they loved a companion and now that companion is dead. Often the loss of a beloved pet is the first loss a child experiences, and it important to teach children healthy ways to cope with grief. It is important to avoid disrupting the natural grieving process.  The six subsequent posts describe the myths outlined by James and Friedman.

James, John W. and Friedman, Russell. When Children Grieve. New York: HarperCollins Publishers Inc., 2001.

Additional Resources: http://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/

Myth 1: Don’t Feel Bad!

Loving friends and relatives mean well when they say, ‘“Don’t feel bad, he/she lived a long life.’ Or, ‘Don’t feel bad, at least he/she didn’t suffer.’ Or, ‘Don’t feel bad, he/she’s in a better place (14).’” However, these comments unintentionally promote inappropriate responses. The truth is that grief responses are painful and unpleasant in response to painful and unpleasant losses. It is a highly appropriate time to feel bad.

James, John W. and Friedman, Russell. When Children Grieve. New York: HarperCollins Publishers Inc., 2001.

Myth 2: Replace the Loss

James and Friedman describe a story where a six year old boy’s dog dies and his father says, ‘“Don’t feel bad, [pause] on Saturday we will get you a new dog (25).”’ Now the boy understands two major misconceptions about his emotional responses: don’t feel bad, and replace the loss (25). The idea that this boy can replace painful emotions with pleasure is a concept that can have long-term consequences. It devalues the boy’s relationship with his pet, discourages appropriate painful responses, and subsequently disrupts or prevents the natural healing process.

James, John W. and Friedman, Russell. When Children Grieve. New York: HarperCollins Publishers Inc., 2001.

Myth 3: Grieve Alone

Grieving is ultimately about relationships. When we loose someone we love, we feel pain from separation. This is why it is important to grieve with loved ones. Children are comforted when they see their parent grieving, because it mirrors what they are feeling so they can accept and understand their own feelings are appropriate and welcomed. It helps children when adults witness their pain and empathize with how they are feeling.

James, John W. and Friedman, Russell. When Children Grieve. New York: HarperCollins Publishers Inc., 2001.

Myth 4: Be Strong

In most cases, children mirror their parents. If a child looses a mother, and her father is advised by well-meaning friends and family to “be strong for his child” by “grieving alone” and not showing painful emotions, then the child may mirror the same response. The child may also “stay strong” by suppressing emotions, and this may shut down the natural grieving process of both the child and parent.

James, John W. and Friedman, Russell. When Children Grieve. New York: HarperCollins Publishers Inc., 2001.

Myth 5: Keep Busy

“Grief, caused by death or by divorce, probably represents the largest change in the moment-to-moment life of a child. Adapting to life without someone who has always been there can be painful, difficult, and confusing (46).” James and Friedman go on to explain that it is important to keep the pace of life at a similar level as before the loss, so children do not have to cope with additional changes. This is a myth that connects to a belief that keeping busy is a constructive way to deal with unexpressed emotions. It is more likely keep you distracted from the pain caused by the loss and keep emotions buried deep within (48).

James, John W. and Friedman, Russell. When Children Grieve. New York: HarperCollins Publishers Inc., 2001.

Myth 6: Time Heals All Wounds

Healing from grief is a journey that takes time, but time is not the healer. Too often, we are encouraged to “move on” or “get over it” or “get back to normal” without allowing the grief journey to unfold in what ever time period is necessary. Loved ones may unconsciously want mourners to “move on” so they do not have to witness pain or face their own. The grief journey mirrors the motion of ocean tides, currents and waves. Healing from grief is not linear, but healing happens when we allow natural responses to unfold. There are no rules, no steps, and no preset time frames involved.

James, John W. and Friedman, Russell. When Children Grieve. New York: HarperCollins Publishers Inc., 2001.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Muppets Windmills of Your Mind


A humorous depiction of racing thoughts courtesy of the Muppet Show.