Bereavement Support Groups in Seattle Area

• Swedish/Edmonds

Healing after a loss is often a long and difficult journey. Swedish/Edmonds offers groups and events that support people experiencing the grief that follows the death of a loved one. All parts of the program are offered as a service to the community and are free of charge.

• Evergreen Grief and Bereavement Services

The death of a loved one is an emotionally intense and deeply personal experience. While each person may react to the loss differently, there are many common threads that weave through the experience of grief. The emotional, physical, cognitive, and spiritual responses to the death may be surprising and intense. Evergreen Grief and Bereavement Services is available to provide support and education for all persons in our community who have experienced a loss through death.

• Providence Hospice of Seattle

Grief is not an event, it is a constant unfolding. Providence Hospice of Seattle offers a full range of compassionate response to children and adults who are grieving the loss of a significant person. We realize the importance of acknowledging the unique grieving process of every individual. Included in this acknowledgement is the understanding that grief has no timeline.

• The Healing Center

The Healing Center is a grief-support community for adults, children and families.  Our community offers a unique, long-term, multi-faceted approach to grief support, combining individual and group support with informal events and social networks.

Financial Stress: Examine and Plan

Most people struggle with financial stress. This type of stress can cause fighting, bitterness, resentment, secrecy, shame, dishonesty, guilt and fear. There are no quick solutions, but there are steps you can take to feel more empowered. The first step is to answer three questions honestly. 1. How much money is being spent? 2. How much money is being earned? 3. How much debt exists? Write down the facts and make a "small steps" plan. The primary goal, when possible, is to pay down debt rather than accumulate more. If you find this isn't possible given all your expenses, seek advice, negotiate payment plans, and find areas of spending that can be adjusted. It is important to keep living and honor yourself through spending money on things that match your life values, while paying down debt. In doing so, you feel empowered, which improves your mental health. It is about taking small steps toward creating a healthier financial future rather than seeking quick fixes, depriving yourself, or putting life on hold until money issues are solved.

The Space Between Self-Esteem and Self Compassion: Kristin Neff at TEDxCentennialParkWomen

Dr. Kristin Neff gives a wonderful 19 minute talk about how we can be more compassionate toward ourselves, and how self-criticism undermines our motivation. She also shares a touching personal story about her son.

Facing the Predator of Fear

Wildlife experts tell us what to do if we see a cougar 50 yards or more away. They tell us not to run, or turn our backs. They tell us running makes things worse because the cougar will see us behaving like prey, and give chase. Common suggestions include: standing up, facing the cougar, maintaining eye contact, making our bodies look bigger, and slowly moving to higher ground or a safer location. I believe this is also true when it comes to facing our internal fear responses to life situations. It helps to look at what scares us, give the feelings some attention, and take slow, thoughtful action so the feared element no longer intimidates us. I help people identify fears they are ready to examine, give attention and care to the arising feelings, and learn how to cope and respond when fear arises.

Closing the Day on a Good Note

Recently, I caught some of the 11 o'clock news, which I rarely watch. I was deeply disturbed by a particular news story that I could not get out of my mind. This was just one of several disturbing stories that aired within those first ten minutes. I found it an unsettling end to an otherwise lovely day, and it reminded me of the importance of being mindful about what I choose to watch. The world is not filled with violence, abuse, chaos and destruction to the extent news programming indicates. It is especially important to keep this in mind if you are already stressed, grieving, depressed, anxious or lonely. It is important to expose ourselves to relaxing and soothing things when possible, especially before falling asleep.

Couples Tip: Tell Them What You Want

Many couples I see want to support each other better. Often we have an unrealistic expectation that the "right" partner will "know" how to respond. One of the ways to feel supported by your partner is to help them help you. If you are upset, share with your partner what is happening within you, and if you can, guide them toward understanding what you want or need. Your partner may or may not be able to provide what you seek, but at least they have an opportunity to try in the moment, or at a later time. Either way, you will both learn something important.

"Good" Changes Cause Grief and Loss

Clients have asked me, "I made a change in my life for the better, so why do I feel sad?" The way I view change is that there is always something left behind. For example, if you decide to quit a stressful job to start a new one, it might seem as though you should feel only relief and happiness. However, there is something lost in any transition. Change can be stressful, even if it is "good" change. Change often means leaving a familiar routine for a brand new one. Questions, doubts and fears may arise. Unresolved feelings connected with your job experiences may surface. Fears about the next steps may come up. You will likely feel more aware of the things you WILL miss, possibly casting doubts about your decisions. Additionally, in the case of changing jobs, you will be ending your current co-worker relationships, and forming new ones with strangers. It is important to keep all of this in mind as you go through any type of transition, and welcome in emotional responses and feelings as they come and go.

Continuing Bonds With Loved Ones

For those who have lost a loved one, it is normal and can be important in the process of healing to continue a nonphysical relationship and some sort of communication with the person who died.  Letter writing, putting up photos at home, returning to a special place that was important to the deceased and celebrating anniversaries, holidays and birthdays are a few examples. Communication with the deceased can be especially important if the relationship was painful, tumultuous or distant. It is possible to heal relational wounds after death. It is never too late to experience and express emotions toward the person who passed away.

References:

1. Shallcross, Lynne. “A Loss Like No Other.” Counseling Today Jun. 2012: 26-31.
2. http://uncommonground4500.blogspot.com/2010/04/continuing-bonds.html

Television's Impact on Mental Health

Excessive or compulsive TV watching "is believed to exist as a type of behavioral addiction similar to pathological gambling. In 1990, a symposium at the convention of the American Psychological Association developed the definition of TV addiction as 'heavy television watching that is subjectively experienced as being to some extent involuntary, displacing more productive activities, and difficult to stop or curtail'" (Kaufman).

The Bureau of Labor Statistics American Time Use Survey reported that in 2010 the average American age 15 and over spent over half their leisure time watching TV.

In the article 'Television Addiction Is No Mere Metaphor,' (Scientific American, February 2002) Kubey and Csikszentmihalyi describe their experiment and results. "To track behavior and emotion in the normal course of life we have used the Experience Sampling Method (ESM). Participants carried a beeper, and we signaled them six to eight times a day, at random, over the period of a week; whenever they heard the beep, they wrote down what they were doing and how they were feeling using a standardized scorecard.” Results showed that “the sense of relaxation ends when the set is turned off, but the feelings of passivity and lowered alertness continue. Survey participants commonly reflect that television has somehow absorbed or sucked out their energy, leaving them depleted. They say they have more difficulty concentrating after viewing than before. In contrast, they rarely indicate such difficulty after reading. After playing sports or engaging in hobbies, people report improvements in mood. After watching TV, people's moods are about the same or worse than before."

"In a paper entitled 'Television Dependence, Diagnosis, and Prevention,' Professor Kubey describes a cyclical effect of watching television. Heavy TV watchers tend to be people who feel anxious or lonely and watching TV provides a break from negative thoughts or ruminations. Providing a pseudo-social media experience, the television creates a virtual connection between the watcher and other people, however this does nothing to help the real feelings of loneliness or boredom" (Kaufman).

Kubey explains that “the possibility of a vicious circle wherein the experience of negative moods and thoughts when alone and when unstructured may interact with the ease with which people can quickly escape these feelings by viewing. As a result of many hours spent viewing television over many years, some people may become unpracticed in spending time alone, entertaining themselves, or even in directing their own attention."

If you are concerned about your TV watching habits, I suggest keeping a log of how often you watch and observe how it impacts your state of mind. Do you turn the TV on automatically or plan what program to watch? Is it enjoyable? Does it improve your mood? Would you feel better if you chose a different activity? Take some time to consider how you spend your leisure time, and if your choices promote mental wellness.

Bibliography

Kaufman, R. (2005). Television Identification and Self-Help Guide. Retrieved from http://www.turnoffyourtv.com/healtheducation/addiction/addiction.html

Kubey, Robert and Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. “Television Addiction Is No Mere Metaphor.” Scientific American. February 2002.

Kubey, Robert. "Television Dependence, Diagnosis, and Prevention." Associate Professor, Department of Journalism & Media Studies. Rutgers University, New Brunswick, New Jersey. 1996.

Other Links

http://escapeyourtelevision.blogspot.com/
http://addiction-facts.com/tv_addiction/tv_addiction.html

Dispelling Myths Regarding Grief

I am currently reading When Children Grieve. In this book, James and Friedman list six myths in our culture surrounding the subject of death: Don’t Feel Bad!; Replace the Loss; Grieve Alone; Be Strong; Keep Busy; Time Heals All Wounds. I believe these myths are also applicable when adults grieve.

Parents tend to instinctually, out of compassion, seek ways to relieve their children’s pain and shelter them from feelings of grief. However, grief responses are unique and unlike a skinned knee or broken toy. Grief cannot be fixed. Death is a natural part of human life, and, like adults, children naturally heal. Like adults, children experience heartache because they loved a companion and now that companion is dead. Often the loss of a beloved pet is the first loss a child experiences, and it important to teach children healthy ways to cope with grief. It is important to avoid disrupting the natural grieving process.  The six subsequent posts describe the myths outlined by James and Friedman.

James, John W. and Friedman, Russell. When Children Grieve. New York: HarperCollins Publishers Inc., 2001.

Additional Resources: http://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/

Myth 1: Don’t Feel Bad!

Loving friends and relatives mean well when they say, ‘“Don’t feel bad, he/she lived a long life.’ Or, ‘Don’t feel bad, at least he/she didn’t suffer.’ Or, ‘Don’t feel bad, he/she’s in a better place (14).’” However, these comments unintentionally promote inappropriate responses. The truth is that grief responses are painful and unpleasant in response to painful and unpleasant losses. It is a highly appropriate time to feel bad.

James, John W. and Friedman, Russell. When Children Grieve. New York: HarperCollins Publishers Inc., 2001.

Myth 2: Replace the Loss

James and Friedman describe a story where a six year old boy’s dog dies and his father says, ‘“Don’t feel bad, [pause] on Saturday we will get you a new dog (25).”’ Now the boy understands two major misconceptions about his emotional responses: don’t feel bad, and replace the loss (25). The idea that this boy can replace painful emotions with pleasure is a concept that can have long-term consequences. It devalues the boy’s relationship with his pet, discourages appropriate painful responses, and subsequently disrupts or prevents the natural healing process.

James, John W. and Friedman, Russell. When Children Grieve. New York: HarperCollins Publishers Inc., 2001.

Myth 3: Grieve Alone

Grieving is ultimately about relationships. When we loose someone we love, we feel pain from separation. This is why it is important to grieve with loved ones. Children are comforted when they see their parent grieving, because it mirrors what they are feeling so they can accept and understand their own feelings are appropriate and welcomed. It helps children when adults witness their pain and empathize with how they are feeling.

James, John W. and Friedman, Russell. When Children Grieve. New York: HarperCollins Publishers Inc., 2001.

Myth 4: Be Strong

In most cases, children mirror their parents. If a child looses a mother, and her father is advised by well-meaning friends and family to “be strong for his child” by “grieving alone” and not showing painful emotions, then the child may mirror the same response. The child may also “stay strong” by suppressing emotions, and this may shut down the natural grieving process of both the child and parent.

James, John W. and Friedman, Russell. When Children Grieve. New York: HarperCollins Publishers Inc., 2001.

Myth 5: Keep Busy

“Grief, caused by death or by divorce, probably represents the largest change in the moment-to-moment life of a child. Adapting to life without someone who has always been there can be painful, difficult, and confusing (46).” James and Friedman go on to explain that it is important to keep the pace of life at a similar level as before the loss, so children do not have to cope with additional changes. This is a myth that connects to a belief that keeping busy is a constructive way to deal with unexpressed emotions. It is more likely keep you distracted from the pain caused by the loss and keep emotions buried deep within (48).

James, John W. and Friedman, Russell. When Children Grieve. New York: HarperCollins Publishers Inc., 2001.

Myth 6: Time Heals All Wounds

Healing from grief is a journey that takes time, but time is not the healer. Too often, we are encouraged to “move on” or “get over it” or “get back to normal” without allowing the grief journey to unfold in what ever time period is necessary. Loved ones may unconsciously want mourners to “move on” so they do not have to witness pain or face their own. The grief journey mirrors the motion of ocean tides, currents and waves. Healing from grief is not linear, but healing happens when we allow natural responses to unfold. There are no rules, no steps, and no preset time frames involved.

James, John W. and Friedman, Russell. When Children Grieve. New York: HarperCollins Publishers Inc., 2001.

Muppets Windmills of Your Mind

A humorous depiction of racing thoughts courtesy of the Muppet Show.

Follow Your Heart, it is Smarter Than You Think

The heart is also the first organ that is being formed in the womb. The rest comes later.
-EagleEyes

17 March 2011
by Rebecca Cherry

Recently, Neurophysicists have been astonished to discover that the Heart is more an organ of intelligence, than (merely) the bodies' main pumping station. More than half of the Heart is actually composed of neurons of the very same nature as those that make up the cerebral system. Joseph Chilton-Pearce, author of The Biology of Transcendence, calls it "the major biological apparatus within us and the seat of our greatest intelligence."

The Heart is also the source of the body's strongest electromagnetic field. Each heart cell is unique in that it not only pulsates in synchrony with all the other heart cells, but also produces an electromagnetic signal that radiates out beyond the cell. An EEG that measures brain waves shows that the electromagnetic signals from the heart are so much stronger than brain waves, that a reading of the heart's frequency spectrum can be taken from three feet away from the body...without placing electrodes on it!

The Heart's electromagnetic frequency arcs out from the Heart and back in the form of a torus field. The axis of this Heart torus extends from the pelvic floor to the top of the skull, and the whole field is holographic, meaning that information about it can be read from each and every point in the torus.

The Hearts' torus electromagnetic field is not the only source that emits this type of electromagnetic field. Every atom emits the same torus field. The Earth is also at the center of a torus, so is the solar system and even our galaxy...and all are holographic. Scientists believe there is a good possibility that there is only one universal torus encompassing an infinite number of interacting, holographic tori within its spectrum. Because electromagnetic torus fields are holographic, it is more than likely that the sum total of our Universe is present within the frequency spectrum of a single torus.

This means that each one of us is connected to the entire Universe and as such, can access all the information within it at any given moment. When we get quiet and access what we hold in our Hearts, we are literally connecting to the limitless supply and Wisdom of the Universe, thereby enabling what we perceive as "miracles" to enter into our lives.

When we disconnect and shut down the Heart's innate wisdom of Love-based thinking, the ego-based intellect takes over and operates independently of the Heart, and we revert to a survival mentality based on fear, greed, power, and control. In this way, we come to believe that we are separate, our perception of life shifts into one of limitation and scarcity, and one in which we must fight in order to survive. This amazing organ, that we often time ignore, neglect and build walls around, is where we can find our strength, our faith, our courage and our compassion, enabling our higher emotional intelligence that can, if we allow it, guide us through our lives.

We must now switch the gears out of the fear-based mental state that we have been taught to believe in, and move into Heart Centered living. For this transformation to take place, one must learn to meditate, "go into your Heart" and access the inner wisdom of the Universe. It is the only way, it is THE WAY. As each one of us begins this quiet revolution of living from the Heart, we will begin to see it reflected in our lives and in our World. This is how each one of us will create change in the world, create Peace, create Harmony and Balance, and in this way, will we all create the New World Paradigm of Heaven on Earth.

Reference

Winter Blues - Holiday Lights

Winter Solstice is just around the corner already. It is nice enjoying holiday lights hung on homes this time of year, which adds some much needed light to our very long nights while driving, walking or biking. I recommend hanging lights indoors as well around your windows and/or ceilings. There are many LED color options. The white bulbs give off the most light. LED lights are also nice because they do not use much electricity.

Winter Blues - Serotonin

Serotonin is a Monoamine neurotransmitter that is found in the gastrointestinal (GI) tract, platelets, and in the central nervous system. Studies have shown that serotonin affects our level of happiness, which is why antidepressants are used to treat conditions such as depression, generalized anxiety disorder and social phobia. Monoamine oxidase inhibitors (MAOI) prevent the breakdown of monoamine neurotransmitters (including serotonin), and therefore increase concentrations of the neurotransmitter in the brain. Here are some suggestions to better cope with Winter Blues naturally by increasing serotonin levels as explained in this article:
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2077351/

1. Self-induced changes in mood. This can include psychotherapy, meditation, yoga and relaxation. Ask yourself what makes you feel better, and pursue that activity.
2. Exposure to bright light. This can include walking outside in the middle of the day, or other outdoor activities like running, hiking, biking, snow shoeing, skiing, playing outdoor sports, etc. As shown in the previous post, a light therapy box can be helpful as well.
3. Exercise and movement. We tend to be less active during the winter months. For me, I try to take a walk in the middle of the day for 15 minutes or more. For others joining a gym is a great option. Exercise contributes to better sleep and lowered stress levels.
4. Diet. It is important to nourish our bodies with vitamin filled fruits, vegetables, legumes, protein and grains. It can be helpful to limit intake of sweets during the winter months, which can be challenging because of holiday traditions.

Other Sources:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serotonin

Winter Blues - Light Therapy

Apollo Health Golite

Light therapy provides extra light during the winter months that can help your body adapt to the lack of sunlight thereby increasing your energy and mood. The one pictured here is about 6" x 6" and emits blue light while others emit white light. It can be adjusted for light intensity and has a built-in timer. Light boxes come in a variety of shapes and sizes. The directions come with each unit, and you can read more about them online. Click here for more information about the benefits of light therapy. Light therapy is most effective if you start before Winter Blues symptoms begin.

Winter Blues

I will present a series of posts about how to prevent the Winter Blues as we head into the dark months of the year. In the Pacific Northwest, and in other parts of the world, winter brings a limited amount of sunlight. In addition, especially in the northern regions, daylight hours are short. The lack of light and cold weather can have an impact on our mental health. Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is still being researched. It is currently defined in the diagnostic manual as a Seasonal Pattern Specifier applied to the pattern of Major Depressive Episodes in Bipolar I, Bipolar II or Major Depressive Disorder. I recommend seeing a professional if you have daily symptoms of depression that cause significant impairment to your social and occupational functioning for two weeks or more. Research has shown that prevalence increases with higher latitudes, and younger people are at higher risk for winter depressive episodes. Some research suggests the seasonal pattern may not always be linked to a Major Depressive Episode. The suggestions I will present in these posts can be helpful for anyone that tends to feel down during the winter months. Symptoms of Winter Blues can include increased moodiness, changes in appetite, changes in sleep patterns, decreased interest in previously enjoyed activities, low energy, difficulty concentrating, increased feelings of worthlessness or guilt, and increased use of mood altering substances.