Intrusive Thoughts

Strong emotions are messages from the unconscious. Understanding why an emotion is so intense often yields an important insight into our psyche. Still, many people take the position that it’s easier not to have these disturbing feelings, to cut them off as they come up. Closing off this way lets up delay facing what really is going on. (Bennett-Goleman 210)

Many of us, including me, have experienced an event that results in feeling anger, fear, sadness, humiliation, regret or worry that lead to intrusive thoughts. I am referring here to an event like an argument, disagreement, disappointment, or an unpleasant/unexpected outcome. Inner dialog begins highlighting things that went wrong, how we or others should/could have responded differently, and a desire to turn back the clock, or erase the event entirely. Inner dialog can go on with worries about future outcomes resulting from the event. Most of us want the intrusive thoughts to go away quickly.

Intrusive thoughts can cause people to wake up in the early hours of the morning with their minds preoccupied with worries. Intrusive thoughts might keep others up through the night, or wake them in the middle of the night. Others struggle most through out the day or in the evening. Intrusive thoughts and strong emotions can promote an urge to find distractions to cut ourselves off from the emotions.

I view intrusive thoughts as a signal of an important learning opportunity. When an event bothers us on a profound level, it means strong emotions have been triggered that need attention. There is often something big underneath the surface that can be healed. The strong emotions associated with the event may, or may not, be connected to a traumatic event or dysfunctional relationship from the past. The challenge is to not run away from these painful feelings, but instead lean in and give ourselves the gift of empathy. Bennett-Goleman writes, “We can turn our attention inward and with a warm sensitivity ask ourselves, ‘What do you need right now’” (209)? This is because behind these responses is a vulnerable, tender place that hungers for care and compassion.

Next time an upsetting event leads to intrusive thoughts, try asking yourself what you need in the moment. Breathe into the area in your body that feels most tight and constricted. If you do not know, take a few minutes to scan your body while breathing mindfully.

Reference:
Bennett-Goleman, Tara. Emotional Alchemy. New York: Three Rivers Press, 2001.