The Space Between Self-Esteem and Self Compassion: Kristin Neff at TEDxCentennialParkWomen

Dr. Kristin Neff gives a wonderful 19 minute talk about how we can be more compassionate toward ourselves, and how self-criticism undermines our motivation. She also shares a touching personal story about her son.

Facing the Predator of Fear

Wildlife experts tell us what to do if we see a cougar 50 yards or more away. They tell us not to run, or turn our backs. They tell us running makes things worse because the cougar will see us behaving like prey, and give chase. Common suggestions include: standing up, facing the cougar, maintaining eye contact, making our bodies look bigger, and slowly moving to higher ground or a safer location. I believe this is also true when it comes to facing our internal fear responses to life situations. It helps to look at what scares us, give the feelings some attention, and take slow, thoughtful action so the feared element no longer intimidates us. I help people identify fears they are ready to examine, give attention and care to the arising feelings, and learn how to cope and respond when fear arises.

Closing the Day on a Good Note

Recently, I caught some of the 11 o'clock news, which I rarely watch. I was deeply disturbed by a particular news story that I could not get out of my mind. This was just one of several disturbing stories that aired within those first ten minutes. I found it an unsettling end to an otherwise lovely day, and it reminded me of the importance of being mindful about what I choose to watch. The world is not filled with violence, abuse, chaos and destruction to the extent news programming indicates. It is especially important to keep this in mind if you are already stressed, grieving, depressed, anxious or lonely. It is important to expose ourselves to relaxing and soothing things when possible, especially before falling asleep.

Couples Tip: Tell Them What You Want

Many couples I see want to support each other better. Often we have an unrealistic expectation that the "right" partner will "know" how to respond. One of the ways to feel supported by your partner is to help them help you. If you are upset, share with your partner what is happening within you, and if you can, guide them toward understanding what you want or need. Your partner may or may not be able to provide what you seek, but at least they have an opportunity to try in the moment, or at a later time. Either way, you will both learn something important.